My Top 3 Mistakes as a Parent

I’m not a perfect parent. Whew. So glad to get that off my chest! And you should feel free to get it off yours, too. As much as we’d like to be, none of us will ever be the “perfect” parent.

Well, let me qualify that statement… It’s impossible for us to get everything right, to make all the right decisions, to always respond to everything in the right tone, with the right words, at the right time. BUT… we are the perfect parents for our kids.

God intended it this way. Whether you and your spouse worked together to conceive and give birth to your children, or you were led by the God-given feeling inside to adopt the ones you gave your life to… YOU are the perfect parents for them, and God will help you raise them well.

That being said, it can still be hard, can’t it? Parenting is challenging, and the only ones who would think otherwise are those who haven’t tried it!

I truly feel blessed with my family, and so thankful that our daughter (who is now an adult, and beginning a life of her own with the young man she loves) loves God, loves people, and has been a joy to parent.

But there are some mistakes that I’ve made as a parent that I really wish I learned to correct in my parenting early on. Here are my top 3… Maybe you can relate.

1. Being too busy

One of the most important parts of parenting can be summed up with one simple little word. Time.

It can feel like there just isn’t enough time to get everything done that needs to get done. There’s work, errands, house chores, projects, church, family, personal margin, and so much more that demands our time.

Unfortunately, often it’s our families that end up getting cheated on the deal. It’s so easy to fill our days up with commitments to many things that seem urgent or even important, and we can mistake our small daily acknowledgements of the other members of our family as being enough to sustain them. We think they’ll understand that we have important things to take care of. Unfortunately, what they usually understand is that something else was more important than them.

Early on as a father, I found myself so busy with so many things that I was missing out on important moments with my daughter to help shape her self esteem, inform her world-view, capture special moments and make memories.

For the sake of our families, we have to make some very important decisions about what… or actually who… is most worth our time.

Taking out the necessities of work and church attendance, it’s vital for us to eliminate some things that we, or others, have determined are more important for us, and make sure we have adequate time to add value to our children’s lives that only we can give.

Time.

2. Not being present

Presence isn’t just being in the room together, but it’s being attentive and curious for them. It’s not just being present physically, but also emotionally and intellectually.

During one season of my early parenting, I found myself very wrapped up in my busy-ness that I didn’t realize how much I was missing of my daughter’s life. Even when I was in the same room with her, my mind was occupied by other things and I even noticed myself become irritable when my focus would be interrupted.

Once I realized what was happening, I began to take notice of the times when she needed my attention and would set whatever I was engaged in completely aside to offer my attention to her. I know, I know… that has it’s limits, too! Sometimes our kids can demand so much attention that we’d never get anything done! But it’s important for us to ensure that our kids have enough of our attention that we can invest important things into them… even when that investment is just that they know we are present for them.

3. Not being intentional

Have you ever just sat and daydreamed about all the things you would do if you were the parent you wish you were? I mean, those family vacations… the date nights with your child… the special moments actually sitting at a dinner table with no television or mobile phone. Those are the things you just know are important, but somehow they never make it from your imagination to reality.

And this is really the other big mistake I made… Forgetting the important.

Why don’t you pull out your calendar right now for a moment and find a time where just you (and your spouse if you’re married) can sit down and make some good plans for things to do as a family. And while you are making your list, you’ll actually put dates to those things immediately. Now, that becomes an appointment with your family that will be more important than anything else that wants to steal that time from you. Your list might look like:

• Go to the nearest amusement park or zoo for the day
• Start attending church events and activities that will bless your family
• Have a family movie night, with popcorn, pizza and ice cream
• Start reading a Bible story and praying before bedtime
• Do a family project, like building something or serving as a volunteer

Whatever it is you decide to do, do it. Be intentional. If you don’t control your family’s plans, I guarantee you someone else will.

You know what? You really do have what it takes to be a great parent… even when you’ve messed up a lot. And you’ll probably mess up a lot more while you’re trying to get it right. But you know what else? They see your effort. God sees your effort. The more you work at correcting your own Big Parenting Mistakes, the more profitable this parenting thing will be.

I hope this helps to move your life forward! If you can relate to these, or have other Parenting Mistakes you’d like to share about, please feel free to send me a message and let me know!